I used to be super judgmental.
I would follow the screams of the tantrum throwing child in a store just to give their obviously lax parent the look of shame.
I would talk in disgust at restaurants with my friends on how I would NEVER let my child act that out of control in public.
I never put much merit into abbreviated diagnoses and thought it was just another excuse for the parents to not take responsibility for their lack of parenting.
Like I said, judgmental!
Then I became an adoptive parent of trauma kids. Touche life, touche.
Suddenly, I became the mother carrying the screaming child as she kicked and bit me (after I caught her) out of the store! I was the mom that had to leave the table that my food hadn’t even been delivered to, while the rest of the family waited to pay the check, because she couldn’t have ice cream first.
I was now the mom learning what R.A.D. (reactive attachment disorder) stood for. I was the one sitting across the table trying to educate teachers on what my daughters needs were. I was now the mom that felt the judgmental eyes of those teachers as they pretended to listen to me.
I am now a mom with kiddos that have more abbreviations behind their names than people with multiple masters degrees.
I now have to parent upside down in a world that judges what they don’t understand, and it is hard. I mean, when you look at this face, all you see is a doll baby! 
There is nothing in this girls face that would lead you to think she reacted to her trauma by deciding she would never allow herself to attach to anyone. Unless you have been introduced to a kiddo with R.A.D. then you can see it in her eyes. The emptiness that comes with deciding you are the only person on the face of the planet that can be trusted with control, and even you aren’t trust worthy. Once you have learned the world of R.A.D. you can see that she isn’t even in this moment. This moment of family pictures with her new forever family. This moment of joy and celebration for us is a moment of sheer panic for her. Unless you live in the chaos that is trauma, you have no idea that she is in complete freak out mode here. You would look at this picture, like so many have, and tell us how beautiful she is. How lucky she is to have us and vice versa. You would turn to her and tell her she is such a beautiful girl and you are so happy she has a mommy and daddy now. You would have no idea in saying the most “normal” thing in your world, would throw her into a rage that would last for hours! You see, in her world she is worthless. In her world she must have been the ugliest little girl ever, or they would have loved her. In her world she had a mommy and a daddy and these people, that you tell her she should be overjoyed about, helped in taking her from them. In her world a mommy is not safe, is not a protector, is not nurturing, is not someone to attach to because she will hurt you if you try. A mommy is a myth, a fairy-tale, and a nightmare!
I no longer judge the mom of a tantrum throwing child, I now seek them out to give a look of “you’ve got this momma!”.
I now speak in understanding at restaurants with my friends as their noses scrunch up while a child makes their mother shrink in shame and exhaustion.
I now know the world of abbreviation is real, the trauma is real, the behaviors are real, the struggle is REAL.
The judgmental has become the judged and so I write……………..
soshewritesweb 